But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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