proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
