She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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