So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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