he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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