found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
