Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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