I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
