still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
