Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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