I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
