Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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