I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
