I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
