Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
