Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
