But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
