well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
