Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
