she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
