The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
