It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
