I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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