I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
