Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
