Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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