How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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