Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
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Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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