hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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