But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
