Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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