I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
