I want to walk on stilts...naked
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
