now i know why i became what i already was.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
