I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
