where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
