I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
