I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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