when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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