i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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