so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
