i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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