Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
