Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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