He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
