i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hippo gnu deer
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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