shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
