Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Randomize
