Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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