so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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