I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just want to make out with him forever
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
