How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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