I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
