My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
