Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
