Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
