Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
