in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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