Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
