just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize