Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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