did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize