She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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