people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
