Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I love black thongs
Welp...herpes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
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Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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