Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
