i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
