I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
