Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize