You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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