Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
