the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
