We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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