only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
